And he asked what I wanted. A simple question that I can typically answer, but at the moment I could not. Theoretically I want security and someone who wants to do life together. Someone who I adore, respect, someone who is funny and knows who he is. I want someone who is my other half, the opposite side of the coin. Some would say a fairytale.... maybe?
I've learned that "opposites attract" is bogus. Too many compromises. Too much conflict.
Practically I found what I wanted in very few people. Most I know in four seconds if it will work. It will not. Of most of the others, a spark never ignites. None have ever happened to live in the same city or state (or country, more like it) and after doing long distance once, is not something I can bear to do again. I typically want to keep exploring and keep searching but this time around, I feel settled. I don't have the acute voice whispering it's time to leave again. At first? Yes, out of sheer desperation but now that things have settled, moving is less appealing. My roots want to grow.
My mom always said I seemed unsettled, always searching, but she never knew for what. Maybe I'll always be searching. Maybe it's a part of being a young soul. Maybe it will always be like this.
Maybe what I really need to to embrace it and stop fighting. Search but learn to be still.
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