On the eve of embarking on a new job I find myself thinking about the path that has gotten me to where I am now. Although I am a planner, I never planned what my careers would be or what I would "do." Honestly, I never thought I would live to be a real adult (whatever that means) and I never saw myself getting older.... I'm sure I'll be saying the same thing at 70.
I knew at a young age I enjoyed being around people and in college I gravitated towards the social sciences. After graduating, I realized I really needed to find a job. Job searching wasn't something I was too worried about. By the time I graduated I have seen many doors open in my life right when I needed them to. I knew I wanted to end up in China for at least a year and that was always at the back of my mind. In the mean time, an art teacher position opened up at a small school close to Atlanta.
No formal art or teacher training? No problem. My heart knew I could do it and I did. And did it well and I saw that teaching was something I could do for a while. It was everything I was good at. Planning lessons, researching topics, interacting with people, a little acting, a little mystery, anything to keep the kids intrigued and wanting to learn more. At the right time again, China opened up and I walked through the door for a year. It was amazing and I cherish my time there greatly.
I came back from China with the desire to settle down a bit. To maybe get married, maybe have a family? So I did. It was easy and I didn't think too much about it. Other teaching jobs opened up here in Nashville and I took them. I thought about the future but stopped dreaming. I wished for things but reality was not matching up.
This year of 2015 has turned out to be one that took me back to Square One. Back to searching for what I really wanted to do. Public education wrecked me desire to teach for a long time (still can't stomach the idea of going back) and what does one do who has many years of experience and a degree in a field they can't think about playing on again?
I do not have the desire to teach abroad right now. I do have the desire to be here. Maybe not forever, but for a while longer. There are still things that need to happen here. That I know.
I knew my current job had to go. The pay was pitiful and the work that used to be enjoyable was now stifling. I wasn't being use to my full capacity and my lead had misogynist tendencies so I searched for something new. I poked around to see what was out there. I ran across a posting and lightheartedly applied: Happiness Office Manager. Hell yes, I could do that. The door opened again and I walked gracefully through. It is everything I'm good at: planning outings, planning meals, making sure everyone has what is needed, organizing, logistics. It's for a company that is new and wants to succeed. It's a place I can help build a foundation with and maybe get some marketing experience in as well.
On this eve I am excited about the possibilities and where the opportunities will take me. I feel like I am out of the rut, the veil is lifted, the light is starting to shine again. I have started to think more and to dream a little.
And in my mind's eye I always glance West.
And I see the ocean below, the falling twilight sky meeting the pregnant descending sun.
The wind picks up and the taste of salt becomes acute as we race towards the light.
The world is ours.
The future is bright.
The future is indestructible.
We are hopeful for the future.
Don't try to hold us for we shift like the sand we left at the safety of the shore.
Today we breathe.
Today we live.
And tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow.
And tomorrow will take care of itself.
I am happy again. And hopeful.
Sunday, June 14, 2015
Friday, June 12, 2015
Time to Pay Attention- Hello Meyers-Briggs
In my quest to figure out how I could have made an important decision so lightly, I have started reading more into the Meyers-Briggs test.
Yes, you know the one. You took it in 8th grade. It was fun and you were surprised by how well it articulated who you were. But you were in 8th grade and nothing seems absolute and many of the words you did not understand. You probably took it again in high school with a little more sincerity but you also wanted to rebel against anything that could pin you down so you again thought it was fun, but didn't look too much into it.
College, the same thing but the Eastern and Western Zodiacs also intrigued you and you lumped the Meyers-Briggs into that same esoteric personality/stars lump. No big deal. Keep it all within arms length. You are your own person!
Then your world gets turned up-side-down. You make an unwise decision and suddenly you are trying to figure out who you are and how the hell you allowed yourself to make a poor decision?
Enter Meyers-Briggs again. This time you pay attention. You read the books about the personality types and about the temperaments. You start trying to figure everyone around you out, including your ESFP long tailed cat.
Suddenly everything comes together and you regret not paying closer attention when you were younger, but you didn't know and deep down you realize you've always had to learn things the hard way.
Mind blown. I am a classic ENFJ- The Teacher, although I think as I've gotten older the line between F and T is a bit blurry and that category is one of my weakest. As an NF (iNtuitive-Feeler also called an "Idealist") I've come to realize that only 25% (ish) of the population is intuitive. This in itself makes sense. This feeling I've had that I didn't fit in and that I thought about things most people didn't think about is statically true. Only 1 in 4 process information intuitively (as oppose to using the five senses) I have always trusted my intuition and rarely has it let me down. Now that things are over with a Sensor (S) type, I've realized that I have to be with someone in the future who is also processes things Intuitively. This is deeply rewarding and will make for a happy future. Unfortunately the numbers aren't in my favor, but one can hold out hope, right?
I ran across this interesting tidbit of info from the book, Please Understand Me II: Temperament, Character, Intelligence by David Kerisey: "What Idealist wish for in their spouse is a Soulmate, a spouse who knows their feeling without being told of them and who spontaneously expresses words of endearment. They want the marital relationship to be, as they put it, "deep and meaningful," Other types will settle for much less than this. Guardians (ST) would be Helpmates and Artisans (SP) prefer Playmates and wonder what the Idealist means by "deep and meaningful." And Rationales (NT), wishing to share their consciousness with their mates are more for being Mindmates than Soulmates. Here, suffice it to say that Idealist are asking their spouses to something most of them do not understand and do not know how to give."
What? People always made fun of me because I gravitated towards the desire for a soulmate now I realize that is just how I am. It's comforting and scary. This could be a lonely life ahead but I do have confidence. A little over 25% of the population would be well suited, so let's begin. Not now of course, but at some point. I am in no hurry.
In the mean time, I'll keep reading and analyzing. Truly what is more exciting to learn about?
Yes, you know the one. You took it in 8th grade. It was fun and you were surprised by how well it articulated who you were. But you were in 8th grade and nothing seems absolute and many of the words you did not understand. You probably took it again in high school with a little more sincerity but you also wanted to rebel against anything that could pin you down so you again thought it was fun, but didn't look too much into it.
College, the same thing but the Eastern and Western Zodiacs also intrigued you and you lumped the Meyers-Briggs into that same esoteric personality/stars lump. No big deal. Keep it all within arms length. You are your own person!
Then your world gets turned up-side-down. You make an unwise decision and suddenly you are trying to figure out who you are and how the hell you allowed yourself to make a poor decision?
Enter Meyers-Briggs again. This time you pay attention. You read the books about the personality types and about the temperaments. You start trying to figure everyone around you out, including your ESFP long tailed cat.
Suddenly everything comes together and you regret not paying closer attention when you were younger, but you didn't know and deep down you realize you've always had to learn things the hard way.
Mind blown. I am a classic ENFJ- The Teacher, although I think as I've gotten older the line between F and T is a bit blurry and that category is one of my weakest. As an NF (iNtuitive-Feeler also called an "Idealist") I've come to realize that only 25% (ish) of the population is intuitive. This in itself makes sense. This feeling I've had that I didn't fit in and that I thought about things most people didn't think about is statically true. Only 1 in 4 process information intuitively (as oppose to using the five senses) I have always trusted my intuition and rarely has it let me down. Now that things are over with a Sensor (S) type, I've realized that I have to be with someone in the future who is also processes things Intuitively. This is deeply rewarding and will make for a happy future. Unfortunately the numbers aren't in my favor, but one can hold out hope, right?
I ran across this interesting tidbit of info from the book, Please Understand Me II: Temperament, Character, Intelligence by David Kerisey: "What Idealist wish for in their spouse is a Soulmate, a spouse who knows their feeling without being told of them and who spontaneously expresses words of endearment. They want the marital relationship to be, as they put it, "deep and meaningful," Other types will settle for much less than this. Guardians (ST) would be Helpmates and Artisans (SP) prefer Playmates and wonder what the Idealist means by "deep and meaningful." And Rationales (NT), wishing to share their consciousness with their mates are more for being Mindmates than Soulmates. Here, suffice it to say that Idealist are asking their spouses to something most of them do not understand and do not know how to give."
What? People always made fun of me because I gravitated towards the desire for a soulmate now I realize that is just how I am. It's comforting and scary. This could be a lonely life ahead but I do have confidence. A little over 25% of the population would be well suited, so let's begin. Not now of course, but at some point. I am in no hurry.
In the mean time, I'll keep reading and analyzing. Truly what is more exciting to learn about?
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