The Secret to a Good Marriage- Oh the Irony

I thought when I started this blogging project again I would write more and have a daily journal of my thoughts. I was going to follow what I did in college and China and write for writing's sake and for the sake of daily observation and thought. I wasn't prepared to be happy these months and not have the desire to write (or the words to say) and I also found myself thinking less about important matters. I've been thinking only about the immediate. Today, this afternoon, tonight, tomorrow. Facts, lists, duties, jobs, research, etc. This has trickled into my reading habits and I find I only want to read non-fiction (I'm sure this too will pass) and the idea of reading fiction, stories, fluffy has no interest for me.

I want reality:

I have to figure out how to now live with four (four?!!!) cats- true cat lady. Luckily I found a ridiculously priced litter box that I hope will make life easier.

I have to be mentally prepared to lose the house if I don't qualify for a loan to buy Jay out.- Now just a waiting game with the mortgage broker.

I have to be figure out how I'm going to keep this 1450 sq ft house clean if I do keep it (now I know why people hire other to do so).

Reality bites but I enjoy the security of it. The realness of it.

I had an epiphany today of what makes a marriage last. Yes, hindsight is 20/20. Yes, what others have always said stands true. The secret of a lasting marriage: choices. Everyday waking up and making choices that will keep two people together. Everyday making choices that will strengthen the bond between two people. Everyday making choices that will illuminate the next steps with clarity.

The hard thing with choices is that sometimes the past narrows the scope of the choice. Sometimes two people start off on different chapters of the same book and never catch up. Sometimes mindsets and bad habits lead to poor choices. The pastor of the church where Jay and I met said there were plenty of times he woke up and didn't love his wife and he had to make a daily choice to love her. What happens when choosing love is no longer an option? Some would disagree but I would say when two people are no longer making choices that bring them closer together, then love at some point is no longer a choice. It's taken off the table. It's not able to be bubbled in.

What does this mean? It means the choices I make now will dictate my future and I need to make wise choices grounded in reality instead of choices grounded in potential. It means feet on the ground and head not in the clouds.

And briefly, occasionally I think about what would have happened if better choices were made. But alas, that is not what happened and so I table that thought, make coffee and get the house clean.