Rememberence in Autumn

One year ago, I consciously stopped eating sugar. A baker coworker scoffed at the idea of quitting sugar around Halloween. To him it seemed sacrilege, but I knew there was no better time than the most sugar filled day of the year to reject sugar. I gave myself some leeway and occasionally enjoy my own baking or the baking of a trusted bakery. More than enjoying the occasional treat, I've enjoyed how my body has responded in all the ways the blogs and articles stated. I have found my clothes fit much better and my taste buds are more attuned to nuanced flavors.

Here is the World.

Four years ago, I briefly knew I was pregnant. Not long enough to be attached but long enough to know reproduction was something I was capable of. Enough to hope. The band of female friends that surrounded me with wisdom, love and advice still sticks with me today. I do get a little sad around this time when I calculate how old that mass of cells would have been.

Beautiful and terrible things will happen.

Eight years ago, I moved to Nashville for a month to photo editing for friends. I needed some space to figure out what I wanted to do next in life after China. Seven of us decided to dress up like Team Zissou from Life Aquatic and because my hair was so long, I volunteered to be the topless team member. I didn't think too much about the implications of being at the East Nashville Pub Crawl "topless" and I knew I would be moving back to Georgia soon, so I wasn't too worried about the social implications. The night was great a great experiment in being bold in public: I knew I wasn't actually topless (nude bodysuit and fake boobs) but onlookers at first thought I was and the scowls I got from women were quite shocking. I would not suggest doing this in public on a regular basis. For years, I was introduced as the Topless Girl and there was always a flash of remembrance in the face of people and then a smile. I guess it was good I didn't know at the time Nashville would be my new home.

Don't be afraid.

I look back and see a pattern this time of year. Seasons are changing, leaves are falling, temperatures are getting crisper, nature starts to hibernate. I seem to start new chapters of life or thought. It is terrifying but good.

I edge closer to what I am trying to find. Unsure of the path but following my heart.